


we have no conception of love or defeat

by lover_of_blue_roses



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, alternative universe, canon does not happen, if the universe wont give him one he'll build them, instead kamski builds connor for himself, only kamski is a blank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:22:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23300611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_of_blue_roses/pseuds/lover_of_blue_roses
Summary: Kamski was born without a soulmark but that's okay, he doesn't need the universe to give him a human, he's more than capable to build something much better than that.
Relationships: Connor/Elijah Kamski
Comments: 8
Kudos: 145
Collections: Fandom For Australia





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cherishedsaulie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherishedsaulie/gifts).



> title from the queen song: Machines (Or Back To Humans)  
> betaed by the wonderful [Raindropsonroses99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raindropsonroses99/pseuds/Raindropsonroses99)

Elijah had slaved over Chloe and she is marvelous. She brought him such wonder and joy, not just for the art of his craft and achievement but for her personality that, while delightfully programmed, had also grown into something beyond himself... something extraordinary.

Yet as proud as he was of the work he put in to build her, he intentionally very much made her to be a commercial model. So she had been designed to be the most pleasing to the most people, both in look and in personality. It wasn't only about beauty or aesthetic but also what people would find most comforting in androids during this big technological shift. So he had carefully programmed her code and personality to be meek and exceedingly subservient regardless of how she developed from her memories and experiences . 

It had to be done and he does not resent what he felt he had to do. But now that his hard work and any difficult decisions he had to make have paid off he's considering making something... more exacting to what he wants. Even if he is no longer part of Cyberlife he can still be proud of all that he has accomplished. It's one of the biggest, most profitable companies in the world, all initial startup investors have been not only satisfied with his work but also seen a return on their investment. And most notably his pioneering work on extremely human-like robotics, which started with the Chloe model, have made him literally the richest person on Earth. 

Which is why he now feels free to make something fitting for his slightest fancy and merest whim- something truly for himself. Or maybe, he dares barely admit to himself, someone. 

Like some 5% of the population Elijah was a blank, some that had been born without a soulmark. Many kinds of people were born without a mark. Some people's souls were simply better suited for solitude or relationships of other kinds, such as friendships over romantic ones. These people were on the aromantic spectrum, and they were certainly considered the lucky kind of blanks. Every blank hoped that was the reason for their clear skin. 

The reality was unfortunately not always that kind. There were two other reasons for being a blank: either your soulmate was not born yet or they had already died. Elijah knew, from the longing in his soul, from the craving in his heart, that he wanted a romantic partner. That's why he had tried with humans during high school and college and then with his creations. 

Chloe was exactly as nice and lovely as he had made her, but her gentle and deferential personality, and hell even her face, weren't what he wanted. Which was not necessarily surprising that what he had built to be the most commercial was not the best for him personally. He had built Chloe not only as a feat of hardware revolution - a body with skin and face that was so life-like but also software - she was the first android to pass the Turing Test. He loved her for it, she had done exactly what she was meant to do, and he didn't fault her for his want of more. 

But he did want more and so he laboured in his workshop. Perhaps it was hubris to think he could build himself a better companion than the universe could find for him amongst the nearing 10 billion human population, but he was determined to at least try. He'd built androids before, hell a whole line of androids in fact, but this one was ... going to be special. 

He slaved over the code, pouring his blood, sweat and tears into each line. He liked to spend his days, and mostly his nights grinding away at it. He fell into what he generally considered his more natural cycle of not sleeping ‘til at least 3am and waking up in near noon. He wants the 'normal' basic, standard things like consideration or at least sympathy, but also a clever problem-solver. 

Endlessly he stared at the lines of code, not just in his workshop where he could easily pull up other models' specs on the large monitors there but also at the breakfast table as his eggs got cold or while floating in his pool. He even installed a tactile screen in his shower, so that whenever inspiration should hit, he would be ready. Constantly rotating the problems around in his mind until he dreamed in python. Yet it wasn't only the logistics that he spent so much of his time contemplating. 

He wanted this android to be different, because it would not be good enough for them to merely be capable of thinking like a human. Elijah really wanted them to feel, to have emotions and opinions, he wasn't looking to build another servant. He thought long and hard about how obedient he should build it. In the end he decided he wanted to give it as much freewill as he could and only have a kill switch in case of an emergency -the former would terrify the world and probably get him arrested, hence the latter. 

If this little project of his was known, there could easily be mass hysteria, as though all the other androids built by Cyberlife were anything but completely obedient and efficient machines. The fallout would be... catasphrophic, to say nothing of Cyberlife share value. If he was still CEO he would definitely be kicked off of the board should they find out about his little project.

Still, there can be no greater goal than to push the boundaries further and further still. No greater pursuit than such knowledge and such a being - the building of the true first freethinking artificial being. Elijah is well aware of how many ways he is playing with fire but he does not care. Even if he succeeds in building them and manages to keep it a secret from the world, there is no guarantee that with that much free will this creation will love him. But how could love be any other way? If there is no choice in the matter it could hardly be considered love at all; it would only be a different, possibly even more perverse kind of bondage. 

If the code -both literally and ethically- is so agonizing in its creation, the body should be the relatively easy part, but it really isn't. Elijah is trying to decide on the face for the love of his life. Sure he could easily give them a little hardware swap, much easier than any plastic surgery, but he shouldn't be flighty about this, constantly changing his mind. Not to mention he's trying to allow them to gain a sense of identity along with the rest of their 'humanity,' for the lack of a better term. 

He likes many faces of all kinds and there doesn't seem to be one simple straight forward answer. Much like with food, where his appreciation for a rib eye steak doesn't invalid his pleasure in eating chocolate cake, two or more things can be equally valid amazing things. 

First he thinks of another blonde hair, blue eyed woman. He makes her less striking than Chloe, a little more plain and normal with a roundish kind face and a rather wider nose. She's very pretty but Elijah can't imagine how she won't compare herself to Chloe if he already is doing it in his mind, and that's not fair because they are being built for such different reasons and different audiences. 

So next he tries to do the exact opposite of them both. He sketches a man, more stern and serious with a darker complexion and a five o'clock shadow. He looks rather earnest, a little intimidating but not without a softer side. He's fine, this should be perfectly lovely but Elijah can't help but to be dissatisfied as he stares into the face. There's nothing inherently wrong yet it's still not quite right, he just doesn't know how to fix it.

His mind feels like it's running in circles and it's getting to such a point that it's keeping him up at night. This is really the only thing that is left to do in the project and yet, he can't make up his mind. He exhausts his body by swimming a punishing amount of laps in his pool until he collapses completely drained in his bed. He does eventually manage to sleep but his brain is filled with odd and strange dreams. 

In his dreams he is back in his lab but the faces he has composited are alive and talking to him. They tell him they don't want him and how very unhappy they are. The woman tells him that she longs for a child to raise and nurture. When Elijah is honest that he does not want that or that lifestyle for himself she grows cold and terrible. The man is far worse though, he rails against Elijah for being his slave master and denying him his freedom. In some of the dreams he tries to kill himself but in most of them he turns the weapon onto Kamski and threatens to kill him. Tauntingly asking whether or not killing his creator for the benefit of being free would qualify him to pass the Kamski test.

The only good news about those distressing dreams is that he always wakes up if he is killed. It would be worse if the dreams were to continue after with him as an unalive shell, another body to go upon his rack with his other decommissioned androids. Yet as grim as those dreams could be, they also end up being his answer.

One night when he again has exhausted himself in his pool, to the point where one of his Chloes insisted he get out for his well being that she was bound to protect, he dreamed of him. The perfect one. 

In the dream Elijah is walking down to his workshop when he sees him standing there, at attention and with his hands behind his back. He is clean-cut and dressed formally with a delicious looking tie. He appears caucasian with brown hair and eyes. He doesn't appear any older than Elijah, at most mid thirties. His strong chin and deep set eyes have the capacity to look serious and stern but when he sees Elijah he smiles softly and endearingly. 

The eyes light up with a soft inner warmth and his face seems so open, round cheeks and a broad forehead with a widow's peak. He's so clearly happy to see Elijah and his hands feel so warm and human when they cup his face. His voice is smooth and caring as he speaks sweet nothings to Elijah, who can do nothing but look into those deep brown eyes as he is lulled under.

When he wakes up, it's with a start and a sense of terrible sadness that the dream is lost to him. Still now at least he knows what he must do. He must recreate that face. And so he does to the tiniest detail; normally memories from a dream fade but not this one. He can remember it all in crystal clarity to say nothing of the fact that every time he sleeps, he dreams of them again.

The face is... It's more than beauty. Kamski could have replicated any famous model or even a completely synthetic composition and gotten the most wildly attractive face known to the world, but those faces they almost don't seem real and Elijah would certainly not feel like an equal next to someone so clearly out of his league. This face is dotted with moles and even bags under the eyes, it's a real face of a real person. 

He's entranced by it and could spend hours looking at that face, in fact he's looking forward to it. He feels like he should continue to tinker with the code, little tweaks here and there, as he waits for all the parts and components to be printed, manufactured or delivered. But at this point he needs to trust, not necessarily in the realized design but in the growth potential he has enabled.

He assembles them with nothing but care and attention as he watches the pieces slot together. Once the body is constructed he dressed them, which is awkward and cumbersome while they are still unactivated but it would feel wrong to awake them either without their skin or naked. He dresses them in the fancy suit he has so often dreamed about, it makes them look formal and serious but also professional and competent. Elijah isn't looking to make a concubine that dresses only in sheer tulle for his pleasure. 

It is only then, after he has slaved over his creation, debated the ethics and taken rather terrifying risks, let the whole project keep him up at night, and assembled him with as much care and respect as he can for someone he has not yet met and whose personality is not yet formed, only then does he activate their skin and their mind.


	2. Chapter 2

They open their brown eyes, which are as warm and charming as Elijah has been dreaming. Kamski should probably consider them a he soon now that their body has been assembled, even if their identity is only a few seconds old. "Hello," he says, sitting up from the workbench and looking around. 

"I am Elijah," Elijah feels the need to say, not because he doubts that his creation can access the internet or needed databases but he wants no doubt as to how he is to be addressed, there will be no 'Mr. Kamski' here. 

"Hello Elijah, do I have a name?" 

"No, *I* have deliberately not chosen a name for you, I thought you might like to name yourself," he watches carefully as the emotions play out on their face, aside from the curiosity as they think about this, they seem rather... pleased. A small smile forms on their lips as they consider, the whole internet at their fingertips.

They’re lost in thought for only a moment as they stare out the window at the winterscape of Detroit and its river, it's peaceful this time of year as snow flurries gently drift. "I think I'd like to be called Connor."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Connor," Elijah answers honestly. 

Connor is clearly done looking around from where he sits and Elijah steps back, implying for them to take their first steps into the world. Connor does so, he's clearly very curious and Elijah merely observes as Connor pokes about the space. Kamski can only wonder why he is so curious, could it be that all androids are this curious but their programmed need to serve stops them, or is it that without a given identity Connor feels the need to find it by exploring and discovering?

"What is my purpose here?" 

'Interesting,' Kamski thinks but does not say. When he had awoke others models, their coding had always prompted them to say something more like 'What is my purpose *for you.*' "I'm afraid that rather like us humans there might not be a strict answer, at least not one that is assigned to you. This might have to be something you discover for yourself. I hope for now that being my companion while you come into your own self will be enough."

Connor nods thoughtfully before looking meaningfully at the door. Elijah of course obliges him and they go on a tour of his mansion. Connor gently grabs hold of Elijah's elbow and looks up at him with those soft brown eyes to make sure he's not overstepping any boundaries but Elijah doesn't mind, in fact he was wondering how to imply his intentions to... court for the lack of a better term, without coming off as an obligation.

And so they walk like that from room to room, Elijah gently placing a hand at the small of Connor's back when appropriate and other little touches that imply the kind of intimacy he'd like to suggest. Unfortunately for Kamski being brilliant and then being rich has spoiled him. The fact that he's created Connor only compounds this. 

He's not used to waiting or asking when he can just demand and get his way. So he must focus on the fact that if he wanted to insist on a romantic or sexual partner he could just use a Chloe for that, but he wanted something more, something- or rather someone different, that was the whole point of his newest masterpiece. 

Connor doesn't seem to care for the obvious signs of opulence, instead he looks intently at any or all personal touches, most especially pictures. With all the software Kamski gave him, Connor might well be running facial recognition and reading about any news or wikipedia articles regarding the people in the frames. But if he does, he does not make mention of it. Instead he asks Elijah in that soft yet probing voice of his. 

Kamski finds himself recounting his entire life story in response to the open ended yet endless questions. Elijah can't help but to huff when he sees how skillfully he is being interrogated, if being a kept man doesn't suit him Connor could be loaned out to the police department, really give his half-brother something to bitch about, his job being replaced with a machine. 

It's not until they've done all of Kamski's lower levels that house his workshops and storage, and done most of his ground floor that contains studies, billiard room and entertaining spaces that they encounter one of the Chloes' in the kitchen. She is working diligently on meal prep but she stops when they enter, looking up and greeting them with a smile even though she doesn't know who Connor is.

He's always considered himself rather happy that no one thought he was paranoid to insist that for the privacy of all android users they be as hack proof as possible and thus to prevent some spying he made them unable to outright mentally communicate with each other. If they want that kind of direct sharing they need 'skin' contact.

Most of them do have internet access, unless their owners turn it off, so they can use a third party to communicate but still he's found it a preference of his that his bots not have a hive mind at all time but only a bulletin list of chores and duties that they share much like a google doc and little more. 

A sparse, "Chloe this is Connor, Connor this is Chloe, she helps out around the house," before he takes them out of there. That was a... interesting way to introduce them, Chloe does more than 'help' out, she does in fact even more than the bulk of the work as she is in fact his servant and does *all* the needed work. Kamski is not in denial about this fact, even if he had not invented androids, even if they did not exist, he would still have the means to hire humans to do all the chores needed around his house. He just- It just sounds rather cold and cruel of him, right off the bat, and so instead he's choosing to not be so explicit and shield Connor from the reality of the situation. 

He's probably being silly but in his defense it's not like he plans on keeping this from Connor forever, just maybe not within the first few moments of his existence, although Connor has proven himself so inquisitive and capable that he might be able to distinguish it all himself. What makes it even more disheartening is Connor's only comment on Chloe: "She's certainly very pretty." His tone sounds sincere and Kamski can't help but to feel stupid, pointlessly angry at it, yet of course, how else could it be. 

Elijah ends their tour with them in his bedroom, which is rather more suggestive than he had planned but it does work out that he has the best view from his floor to ceiling windows and so he guides them to sit down there, on a little couch he has just for that purpose. It's hard to have a discussion with androids at the best of times but Connor being so young certainly adds to this, which is why Elijah asks him opinion based questions, mostly focused on: what does Connor think of the house?

At first the answers are no different than any other 'droid -statements of fact and polite comments. But Kamski doesn't want platitudes or to be informed that his chosen style is minimalism, he really wants to know what Connor *thinks.* "I think," Elijah doesn't need a LED light to see that Connor is deep in thought. Elijah can all too easily imagine the two paths stretching out before Connor based on his decision, what he feels obliged to answer and his own burgeoning sense of self. 

"I think that this mansion seems very big for just you," he doesn't cut a glance at Kamski but rather continues looking out over the river although undoubtedly he can see Elijah's expression on the highly polished glass. "The workshop, this bedroom, they seem... really lived in and actually useful but so many of these rooms are... sparse."

Elijah is savoring this, these newly still uncertain formed opinions, like the finest of aged whiskey. "So is it your opinion that rooms should be more utilitarian?"

Connor shakes his head but then pauses, "I don't- That's not all. I think that is part of it but- I don't know if I liked the kitchen even though it obviously has such a clear function, it was- It was just very sterile." Kamski knows for a fact that that is more than an impression as he has actually insisted that the place where his food is prepared is in fact sterile. "And this room- You have numerous guest rooms that also have beds and yet this one- This one truly feels lived in."

"Are there any other rooms that stood out to you?" Kamski wonders as he stares at Connor's marvelous face. Every sentence and vocalized thought is a delight, Connor is truly all he had ever wished for when toiling so hard to bring him to life. 

Connor nods slowly, "The entrance was... very striking. I think you meant to make an impression on any of your guests and... and I think it worked." He turns to look at Elijah who looks right back at him.

"And what impression is that?"

"It's not- It's more than intimidation. It's that you are formidable. Some might think that because you are no longer heading your own company that you-" He waves about his hand and it's always interesting to see androids at a loss for words. Kamski wonders if it is because, like with humans, Connor is having a hard time putting thoughts or feelings into words. "Despite how things might have happened or ended up, you are still accomplished and not someone to be trifled with. It's more than money you're showing off- it's achievements and competency." 

"Fascinating," Elijah says without commenting on how correct Connor may or may not be. "And what about a room that evoked a feeling in you perhaps rather than created an atmosphere." 

Connor again looks thoughtful, Elijah could look at that face for the rest of his life, it's truly perfect in all its little imperfections. "I really liked the pool room, it- it was tranquil and yet because it was so big it couldn't be comforting? Almost bordering on a workout room or gym atmosphere," Elijah wonders what Connor is drawing on to form these interesting opinions. "The red tiling felt over the top but I guess not over- the right level of opulence? I'm not sure, it was a distinct statement and I like it."

Elijah keeps smiling, Connor is so newly activated yet, like all ‘droids, so capable, and to watch him spread his wings so- it's truly a marvel. Elijah casually begins to discuss his opinions, a conversation Connor easily joins. It seems almost odd that Connor already has opinions on why he prefers hardwood floor over tile and yet he does. He has clear, distinct and strongly held opinions that differ from Kamski’s, and that could not delight the man more. Truly he has made a worthy companion, an equal rather than a mere creation. 

Which is why he is devastated when that night he sheds his clothing to shower and sees that upon his hip has appeared a mark, a soulmark. It's horrifying in so many ways. To think he is 35 years older than his soulmate is disturbing, how could he ever love a child, an infant? And yet what is worse of all, is that now for the first time possibly in his whole life, he has no want for one, not now that he has Connor. 

Little does he know that right outside his bathroom door, waiting innocently in his bedroom, there lies hidden under Connor's well-pressed suit, the matching mark, for the first ever android to be created with a soul.

**Author's Note:**

> my first commissioned piece ever and my first dbh fic very excited ! let me know if you like it 😊🤗


End file.
